Keeping up my inspiration for writing is very hard at the moment, especially considering my health issues of late. My writing has taken a back seat as I am caught between doctors visits, the hospital and spending as much time as I can with my family.

I was thinking the other day that in the 39 years I have been on this planet, I haven't been sick for more than say 2 days at a time and had accumulated nearly 6 months of sick leave in 15 years! All that has changed now. I have been sick for a total of 8 weeks this year already. First, the DVT, then the internal bleeding and now there's the possibility that something nasty is going on inside me. CRAP.

I have to see ANOTHER specialist (hematologist) and am now a "priority one" case! SHIT! I don't like that sort of attention. I also now know that they want to see inside my bladder (the CT scan doesn't see inside there very well) so it's a case of a camera up my 'you know what' to get a looksee at what's going on there. There is no dignity when you're sick, let me tell you. I've been prodded and poked in all states of undress.

Oh well, at least I know my kidneys and liver are all AOK! Thank fuck! But yeah, there's the worry that something else is lurking inside me that I don't want to think about. Sure, no doctor has said one way or the other what that 'something' is (they dance around the issue) but I can't help think the worse.

I really need chocolate today...