I have a new saying. "dick goes numb." I think it can be used to describe all sorts of situations. Ones where you think, oh dear God, I've so seen everything the only thing left is for my genitals to get pins and needles to make the experience something out of the ordinary and for me to actually notice or give two hoots.
I work in the post office. Suffice it to say, my dick goes numb many times over the course of the day. Please, people, if you are going to get a parcel from overseas DO NOT get the person to put on it your eBay name and then come in with no ID for STEVEROCKS! *dick goes numb*
Or, if you want to use domestic stamps for international letters/parcels, don't get upset when I tell you you'll have to add GST and then go all, "I didn't know about that". *dick goes numb*
And if you don't sign the declaration on the air freight/express parcels, don't get all shirty when it's returned to you because you couldn't be bothered to sign the declaration even though you were told...twice. Or then use the excuse, it's never happened before and I've never signed it. Yeah whatever...*dick goes numb*
Then there's the classic...COD means CASH on delivery. It doesn't mean CREDIT card! Get that? Good...*dick goes numb*
I am Mark Alders, writer, intactivist, post office worker, and all round nice guy...except when someone steals my chocolate! I am a proud Australian, and as such use different spellings and have some weird phrases, too. Hey, perhaps that's why I write some damn weird shit!
I can't change who I am.
So when you read one of my books, enjoy the ride, but please don't say I can't spell. I spell how I damn well feel like it! LOL Naw seriously, I spell like an Aussie...do forgive me because we are a breed unto ourselves. Where else can a place have 11 registered public holidays and no one has any idea what they are for except to have a BBQ and down some beers!
If you do find a genuine error in my work, please let me know so I can speak with my editor...also, as an addition to that, offer chocolates as well. Lots of chocolates.
*hugs*
Mark