I have been discussing my most embarrassing teenage 'sexual' moments with a group of wonderful people I socialize with so I thought I'd share some on my blog, too! Be warned, this is going to make you split your sides with laughter!

From about the age of 15 or so I became...horny as hell. Any time my parents went out with my sister and my brother and left me alone (cause I was old enough and used the excuse I needed to do homework) I would get my gear off and experiment! Sometimes with friends, other times by myself. Most times with myself :-)

I remember I used to enjoy the sensation of fucking things. After all, have dick will use! I used to fuck my pillows, in between the mattress, blankets, etc, etc. You get the idea. Then one day a friend of mine said he fucked a watermelon and it was awesome. His tip was to make sure the watermelon hadn't been refrigerated. So, at the first chance I got I proceeded to get me a watermelon. Unfortunately, it had been refrigerated. So what did I do? Microwaved it to warm it up! Thing is, watermelon is basically...water! So when I was all naked, with a hard on I could gag myself with (yes, I could self suck back then) I proceeded. I got into position on the kitchen chair with the watermelon on my lap. I got a knife and cut the 'entrance hole'. That's as far as I got. As soon as the hole was able to, all the HOT contents of the watermelon poured out. I had cooked it and it went all over me! I was covered in hot sticky watermelon juice and seeds. Thankfully it wasn't hot enough to burn otherwise that would have been interesting to explain. Suffice it to say, I had an erection no more! I explained to my parents that I got hungry and ate all the watermelon that was supposed to be for desert! I got grounded for a week for being such a pig! LOL Next time there was only peaches in the fridge. I didn't warm them up, but again, when all naked and excited, I proceeded to fuck a peach! Sounded good in theory, what with a peach being all soft and furry on the outside and a nice erotic shape! Again, never do this. The seed inside is fucking hard. I bruised the end of my cock with my first lustful, slam into the hole I cut! Thank fuck my foreskin covers my head when I am erect otherwise I would have done more damage! I was sore for weeks and morning glory killed like all fuck! I had cut my foreskin, too! Ouch! Savlon (anticeptic cream) works wonders for a teenager too embarrassed to explain such things to his parents so they could go to the chemist and get something stronger!

I used to do a lot of bushwalking when I was a teenager, too. Translation: get out of the house to wank. On one occasion I went out and came across a tree with a really cool knot hole in it. Perfect size, placement, and shape for a horny teenager to slip his cock into! Oh dear. Thinking about it now I shudder. Again, while naked and lubed up (I would take with me vasoline and a blanket on these walks). I proceeded to hug the tree (the greenies would have loved me) and insert my cock into said hole! At first it was sensational and I really got into it. Although, in my horny state I forgot to check the hole for previous occupants. It was an ants nest! At first I felt a few stings on my cock, but thought nothing of it. Very soon, however, the pain was excruciating. When I pulled out my cock I was covered in ants, most stuck to me because of the vasoline! I screamed and screamed, attracting the attention of a couple of old ladies who so happened to be walking in the bush at the time. Look, I was in so much pain from the stings I didn't give a fuck that they saw me naked and covered in ants! They helped me and I was as embarrassed as all hell, but thankfully they carried some of that sting ease stuff on them. One of the ladies just said, we always carry this on us when we bush walk, the ants here can be quite nasty, while she was helping me pluck ants off my cock and balls! The other lady offered me a drink! Oh dear. I died! I really did! Thankfully, they saw the finny side of it! And thankfully they didn't make too much fuss. I was sore for weeks again. Ant stings fucking hurt! Again, thankful I had a foreskin and my head was protected. I didn't get bitten there...amazingly enough!

I decided to try the watermelon thing again. I know, I am a glutton for punishment! This time I said to Mom to leave it out of the fridge because I didn't like cold watermelon. She reluctantly agreed. Again, at the first chance I got, I cut a hole in the fruit and proceeded to fuck to my heart's content. Again, I got a sharp pain there, but from previous experience now, pain equals get dick out fast. So I withdrew. A seed had lodged itself into my urethra! I was in agony and because I was hard when it went in, when I went flaccid, it fucking killed. It was a large seed! I panicked because I couldn't get it out. Thankfully, I managed, after a lot of rushing around the house, to piss it out! But it fucking killed! More so than the ant bites, from what I remember! Agony! Agony! I never fucked any fruit again...

I kept up with my bushwalking. Many times I took a few mates with me. One time, I took two friends, Sean and Peter. Peter was new to our group, but no less enthusiastic to get his clothes off and skinny dip or wank in front of everyone. Boys! LOL Now, on this occasion, with Sean and Peter, we had a group wank session after we had made a campfire. All naked and just hanging out with the boys, as you do at that age. Sean said that he wanted to swim. We agreed. He then suggested that one of us put the fire out. Now, we didn't carry water, so the best way to do it was to piss on it. I had already been, so Peter said he'd do it. Unfortunately, he had that all too familiar, cum blocked cock guys sometimes get! Now that I remember, he did blow a really thick wad and lots of it, too! Suffice it to say, his piss didn't hit the fire at all. It went all over Sean and me! We were soaked in it, because, obviously, he had a fucking lot of piss to get rid of as well! Just my luck! Thank god we were going for a swim. Although, that fire never got put out. All I remember was the smell! Ewwww!

One day, I wanted to try out a cock ring. Unfortunately, all I could get my hands on was a rubber washer from the washing machine taps ( rounded one). Everyone was out of the house again, so I seized my chance. I got naked and rolled on the washer when I was hard enough and super horny...Oh, it felt great. Stopped me from cumming and kept me hard. The sad part is when I went to take it off, it pulled a lot of hair off, too (at the base of my cock) I screamed like a girl, and as I kept on pulling, my cock released it's load. It was the most frightening ejaculation I have ever had. Funny now...but geez, I made sure I didn't use a home made anything from there on in.

And, what's more, Mom and Dad came home JUST as I got the thing off and got my clothes back on...close call! Imagine explaining that! The other thing about this experience was that because I heard the car pull up in the drive while I was still trying to get that washer off my cock, I had to put my clothes back on without cleaning up. For hours I sat around the house with cum drying in my pants. Suffice it to say, dry cum is a bitch to scrape off skin and pubes, too.

Ah, the joys of being a teenager! LOL There are many, many more stories, including other adventures I had with Sean. Some of you have read about him on my blog before (click here to read more). But those are for another time! Hope you all didn't laugh too much at my expense. Oh, okay...you did! LOL