Okay, being a m/m writer I sometimes TRY--the operative word being try here--and watch a bit of p*rn for research purposes. (Don't think less of me...or more of me depending on what you thought of me in the first place). Anyway, one short film I decided to watch had lines in it that were so funny I fell of my chair laughing. In fact, I only got through the first few lines.

Here they are (or near enough to them so you get the general idea:

Dude 1: Why you sitting so funny? (comes to examine dude 2 who is sitting on a locker room kind of bench)
Dude2: I've got a dildo up my arse. *pouts* *winces*
Dude 1: *surprised* Why you sitting there with a dildo up your arse?
Dude 2: Because I have such a tight hole I need to stretch it! Otherwise all the other guys won't want me.

That's as far as I got into the film. They hadn't even got their shirts off and I was in tears of laughter. Oh my! LOL